In the depths of the mid-January blues I have, nevertheless, managed to come up with a pointless and probably insulting generalization about the Polish people. I’ve decided to wholeheartedly embrace generalization both because it’s funnier than balanced reporting and because it fits in nicely with my inherent laziness.
In the 1990 movie The Hunt for Red October the eponymous Soviet submarine performs a maneuver described by the American heroes as a “Crazy Ivan.” The so-called Crazy Ivan move involves stopping dead in the water and spinning around by 180 degrees to point in the opposite direction. The idea is to spot sneaky American submarines that may be quietly following them (as indeed they are). I’ve just realized where they got the idea; the Crazy Ivan is standard practice for Polish pedestrians.
I get caught out by this at least 17 times a day (I’ve also decided to embrace flagrant exaggeration). Walking down the street the person in front of me will suddenly stop in their tracks and lurch of to the right or the left or backwards with absolutely no warning. I walk fast, and this means I have to take drastic evasive action, such as diving sideways into oncoming traffic, or risk a collision. I have no idea what lies behind this extraordinary behavior. Are they suddenly distracted by something visible only to natives? Is it some kind of genetically-inherited method of detecting and disabling following foreigners? Is there a Krakow bylaw that forbids walking in one direction for more than 50 paces?
Island, so you want to ride the brain-lightning, touch the frayed ends of Polish sanity? OK. But before going deeper:
1. “Crazy Ivan” is a variant of “Crazy My Van”. Two vans speed from opposite directions, their drivers wondering who’s going to yield. Call it a game of reflexes. [Yes, missiles launch button-pushers and nukeful subs captains can play too.]
2. Thou shalt not use 17 in vain. It’s blasphemous to say “at least 17″. It’s lethal in Italy. It’s ominous in Poland. (Watch Семнадцать мгновений весны and watch back).
Now: deeper.
First we had cabs. Now we have: turns. It’s called Thurn and Taxis altogether. Ask yourself then: Trystero, have they started yet? [You didn't care about Vader growling hints: we secretly draw great plans. Fine. But why didn't you care about Monty Python? Hint: we don't lurch. We larch.]
Now: it’s too late.
[Hope this helps.]
it’s true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sweet jesus, it’s true.
not only in krakow i should add. here in katowice it’s the same deal although – if i may say – a little worse as the air is so thick with coal dust that you don’t see them until it’s too late.
can anything be done?
=> FoaF, “can anything be done?”
Yup. Close the mines.
[You really see coal dust in K-ce or is it a flower of rhetoric?]
answering flowers on a friday—>
try to trick the Poles, and lurch twice as often. this will confuse them and you’ll win.
PS. Polishpress reveals his personalinsanity on a new and freshly baked blog. http://super3000.wordpress.com. There will be some content (or not) and some will be content. Or not.
[...] 5, 2008 by island1 I’ve made a breakthrough observation which might explain the Crazy Ivan phenomenon I described a while ago. For those of you who can’t be bothered to look back at [...]
[...] better so humour me. I’ve written recently about the strange behaviour of Polish people on pavements and on the road. I’ve written that I’m very confused by the way that Polish people seem [...]